Yesterday I started a new book. There is a very particular reason I chose this book for my first ever NaNoWriMo. I have been thinking about this book for a couple of years, but never really felt ready to begin. You see, it’s a story that is very personal and very emotional for me and all this time I’ve been afraid of not being writer enough to do the story justice.
Fear can be a debilitating thing. As I sat, staring at my alphasmart yesterday, my mind wanted to do anything but fill the screen with words. I went over all my notes. I made a colorful act structure diagram. I checked my email. A lot.
At some point, I realized that if I wanted to win NaNo (and I do—not only to finish this book, but also to get the 50% coupon for Scrivener) I would actually have to write the book. Once I pushed past that initial fear, the words started flowing like they usually do.
In real life, we either seek fear (by jumping out of airplanes and watching scary movies) or run away from it (as in bears, drowning, and men with bloody cleavers). But as writers, as artists, we walk into the fear. We take it in our hands, study it, dissect it, and put it back together in a way that is (hopefully) meaningful for other people to read. For us, fear is a good thing. Fear drives us to write better, to make this book an improvement over the last, to strive for the ever-elusive perfect book. To write a book worthy of the story in our minds.
Today, NaNo helped me push through the fear to write the book I’m afraid to write. And I’m using that fear to make every word better.
Do you have writing fear? Where does it come from? How do you get past it?
Comments